I never learned how
so I would watch my sisters instead.
Thwap Thwap Thwap
My heart drummed to the sound of the cables
hitting the ground.
Eventually my heart and body would wander
to my kingdom in the backyard.
Where my fingers tugged at the earth,
dodging my mortal enemies-- potato bugs.
I wanted to play football.
He didn't let me.
It was no place for a girl.
But there was no place for a girl
with him despite the three he had.
He saw through me.
That I wanted to be the son,
he wished I was.
I wished I was--
if only for his sake...or love.
Maybe if I was, he would have stayed.
Maybe because I wasn't, he came back.
Time waits for no man-- not even a father.
I do not dig in the dirt anymore.
I know nothing about football.
Now, I wish I learned
how to double dutch
instead of trying to be something
he never deserved.